The Balancing Act

Can you believe this picture? Isn’t it one of the greatest images- talk about Super Mom. This is my awesome friend Natalia- mom, doctor, crafter extraordinaire and all-around awesome lady. A mutual friend of ours who works as a photo director had this photo on her desktop at work, and a colleague asked if it was for a shoot she was working on. Nope, just a day in the life of our fab friend, Natalia. Since I am currently experiencing a little bit of bewilderment over what has all of a sudden materialized as a complete and total lack of that all too valuable commodity we call time, I thought it appropriate to feature another mom who seems to be conquering the great time monster. No one’s perfect, but I dare say she’s pretty good at managing things and balancing it all out in the process.

Case in point- one Natalia Goldman. You dear readers, know her as Volatizing’s resident Clever Girl. She is a creative spirit through and through and never ceases to amaze me (much less her family) with her boatloads of inspired ideas, enthusiasm and keen awareness for the environment and her family’s health. I am constantly texting her for doc, product and crafty advice. She’s also an eye surgeon- oh yeah, just thought I’d add that to the mix- runs all kinds of races ending with a K, and is mom to four kids all under the age of five. What gives, man? How does she pull this off?

I had to ask.

Natalia, what is a typical morning like in the life of you?

I am woken up by my 2 year-old around 7am- well actually, it all starts around 5am with breastfeeding my littlest, then my 2 year-old typically hollers for me to come get him. I bring him back to bed with me for a little bit, and then he wakes me up for the day around 7.

Ok, so your day starts at 5. Wowzers. I would not be able to function. What is the hardest part of the day?

The Witching Hours- the end of the day- making dinner, feeding, bathing, actually getting to read a story to a few of them and then hopefully squeezing in some prayers before putting them to bed. Then, dealing with the persistent screams from my 2 year-old until he finally crashes. Last night, he screamed down to me while I was cleaning the kitchen. “Mama, what’s that noise?”. He would yell down after every single noise (and there are many during clean up). I finally went upstairs and reassured him that every noise was just me cleaning and that he did not have to ask me. After a few minutes of silence came another scream, “Mama, why is there no more noise?”. Ha. Damned if you do. Damned if you don’t.

I can just picture that exchange- so funny. Ok, so what’s the best part of your day?

Those little unexpected moments when my kids share something with me- a dream, something that happened at school, that enormous smile that comes with an accomplishment, “zippering my coat on my own”- the spontaneous “I love you”.

Did you always know you wanted to be a mom?

Pretty much since my conception.

Do you think motherhood has changed your life completely?

Absolutely and only for the better.

What are some things you miss from your pre-momma life?

Not much. I still do the things I really love. The things I don’t have anymore, I don’t really miss. Being able to sleep- really not that big of a deal. Caffeine helps. Shopping for myself- never really enjoyed that all that much. Decorating my home- I secretly love that our walls are decorated with my kids’ artwork and not something I paid for. Pre-kids, I was so much more self-centered- naturally I think we all are- but my life has purpose now that it never did before, and that is priceless.

What’s your favorite family tradition?

Friday night family dinners out. It used to be our Friday night dance party but now we go out. Somehow, as chaotic as dinner out can be, having that time together around a table is so much fun. We go so often that my kids are now well-behaved enough for us to really enjoy it. That happy hour margarita never tasted so good as my Friday night dinner drink does. It’s a great way to end our week together.

What about your dance party? I know how you like to shake your groove thing.

Yes, we definitely still do our dance party, but now it’s on the weekend- daytime dance party.

Let’s talk about work. Do you still love working as much now that you’re a mom?

Love working. It’s total mental stimulation and easier than staying at home. Not less stressful, as teaching surgery to residents comes not without lots of stress, but working is definitely emotionally easier than staying at home. I love that I can keep my hands experienced with surgery so that once all of the kids are in school, I can go back to private practice. I love the challenge of work, the mental and emotional break from being at home, the adult conversation, and the reward I feel from helping people and teaching.

How often are you home with the kids?

Thankfully I only have to work two days a week, so I am home the rest of the time. I would really not be able to work full time and miss out on the thick of the day to day stuff. I have often said that I am a mom before I am a doctor- it is absolutely a priority to me over my work. If I had to choose between the two, it would be a no brainer and I would easily choose staying at home. I feel very lucky to a little of both worlds- maintaining a career and my skills while still feeling like I am present in the everyday. I can appreciate the difficulty that some moms who have to work full time experience about missing out on things. I showed up late for surgery on the kids’ first day of school because I just could not miss that moment. I also know that there are many moms who prefer working to staying at home, and I can appreciate that too. It can be very monotonous and often boring to stay at home with kids. If you don’t remember to connect with friends, you can lose yourself in the day to day tasks of motherhood. And the moments that you are home become that much more powerful when you have less time with your kids. I see that with my husband who works very long hours. My kids simply adore him, he is clearly their hero and any moment he is home is golden and highly prized. I love to see that adoration. It fills me with joy to see their excitement when they hear the loud, “WHOOOOO’S THERE?” as he walks through the door.

How do you come up with all of your fun ideas for activities and crafts with your kids?

Mostly it’s perusing magazines or my favorite gift store. I’ll find something I like and try to make it myself with the kids.

You’ve always been so good at that. I’ve always loved how you’ll say, “Oh, I can make that, no need to pay for it, I’ll just make it.”- and you do. Speaking of making things, do you cook? Are you too exhausted or do you like to cook?

I love to finish cooking something I am proud of. The actual process of cooking- not so much. Since my husband is only home 1-2 times a week for dinner, I only cook then.

How does the household work? Do you cook and clean for the most part?

My husband has neither cooked nor cleaned in the past 6 years- ever. Grilling doesn’t count since I marinate/prepare all the food for him.

Lucky dude. Do you and your hubby do anything specific to offset the craziness of parenthood?

Exercise for him. Monthly date nights are great but they don’t really offset the craziness. For me, it’s my new bike. The ability to load up three kids and ride them to school, cruise around town, is awesome and really for my own sanity. The monotony of having to pile into the minivan and drive back and forth three times a day is mindblowingly boring. The ability to be able to jump on a bike and have conversations with my kids (surprisingly much easier on a bike) to and from school is complete freedom for me! I think I will be that crazy mom bundling up the kids and taking them for mid-winter rides!

Is there anything in particular you have found to be genius when it comes to raising kids?

As my sister says- the secret to motherhood is “staff up”. We make sacrifices elsewhere in our lives to pay for help with the kids. Have the extra help allows me to be a better mom and achieve that balance. I would easily skip out on a nice dinner out in order to be able to pay for day’s worth of help with my nanny. She does not raise my kids, but having her certainly helps me do it better than if I had to do it on my own. I still run a million miles an hour, but I get more quality time with each of my kids when I have someone helping me with the others. I know some moms who can afford to hire some extra help but prefer to do it all themselves. I am not one of those moms. I choose to sacrifice for the help so that I am a better version of me for my kids.

Happy Momma, Happy Kids. Ok, I’m curious as to what your biggest challenges are with motherhood?

Learning to be ok with not getting everything done and truly learning to slow down. Motherhood really forces me to be patient and not get upset about things so easily. My son crying “for no reason” drives me bonkers. I wish I could just close my eyes, take a deep breath and handle everything calmly. That does not happen all the time. I don’t scream and yell at him, I typically ask him to leave the room until he calms down. What I hate is how upset it makes me. I seriously think I need to heed my husband’s advice and start smoking weed- it would make me a much calmer mama.

Yeah, I don’t see that happening anytime this century. You’ve always moved at lightning speed, I can’t imagine you any other. We could all be a little calmer though, I agree. Ok Natalia, leave us with some words of momma wisdom. What have you found to be of the upmost importance with regard to a good relationship with your kids?

Listening to them and being present for them.

Awesome. Thank you for your honesty and for your time- I know how hard it is to come by. You are truly an inspiring momma.

{Image Credit: family in p.j.’s: Kristen Schaefer Geisler}

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