A #word about social media

Ahhhh- this picture makes me kind of crazy. I realize that this is our reality but shouldn’t these preteens be building a fort or putting on a play together or something? I’m sure they’re all highly intelligent, well-adjusted individuals, but I can’t help but cringe at the state of our techno world these days. It’s something I need to come to terms with.

Lately I’ve had not one, not two, not even 3 but 5 conversations with various groups of friends about the merits and downfalls of social media. This is something we are all constantly talking about- like it or not, social media is now forever entrenched in our society. So how do we feel about it, we meaning those that did not grow up with it. I’m even talking to you, older-aged Millennials.

For some, it is our worst nightmare- middle school revisited, the popular crowd reigning supreme on facebook touting photos of their gorgeous children and trim bodies, in a constant state of painting the town red. Can they really be having that much fun, all the damn time? A friend alluded to this phenomenon as said fun-having people using social media to post the “highlights of their days” and actually I think that’s a great way to look at it, it makes sense and also- why not? Another friend has stopped using facebook entirely after attending a work seminar where a speaker described the feelings of inadequacy that some feel when perusing their Facebook feeds as an exercise in “comparing your inner self to others’ best outer selves”. That’s a good way to look at it too. For those that are tortured still by all the fun-having people, why pay attention to it at all? Because it undoubtedly is an excellent way to connect to family and friends old and new and stay connected, as shallow or as deep as those connections may be.

I have made new friends through social media that have bloomed into flesh and blood friends and am grateful for that, and have also connected to “friends” that I wasn’t formely connected to in flesh and blood life, people that were merely acquaintances and that I didn’t think I had much in common with. The digital world has given me a chance to see, witness and follow an entirely different side of said former acquaintances turned now pseudo friends. What’s that worth? Something, I think.?

For the skeptics, it’s all smoke and mirrors and ain’t nobody got time for any of that. What’s the point in following someone when they’re only posting the highlights of their day, but then again what’s the point in following someone’s low points? I don’t see that as necessarily inspiring or productive on a regular basis, though it is nice and even comforting to see a popular shelter maven’s dirty dishes time and again.

For some parents, we worry that the popularity contest is now tougher for our kids as their popularity and “likes” are out there for all to see. Their “likeability” is officially quantified now, there’s no hiding or denying one’s popularity or lack thereof- according to social media’s calculations anyway. Ugh. It makes me worried for my kids, I can’t help it. I know they will have to endure the wrath of society and in some ways already are, but this feels much harsher, or maybe it makes things easier? I don’t know, I’m thinking I need to find the positive and go with that.

For others, it’s a great way to check in with the news and pop culture’s reactions and subsequent rebuttals to the news. Here’s one old school New York Times-paper-edition-reading-mom opening up to the idea of her kids getting their news via Facebook. Hey, if it gets them reading about the news in some form, then that is something, isn’t it. It’s just the weeding out of all the crap, or maybe to some it’s all crap or the reverse.

It’s a hell of a lot of information and can be a great big time suck. For us working moms out there, the work/life balance is hard enough. Throwing the temptations of social media into the mix can make for a big wrench thrown smack into my day. But it’s kind of on me, right? Resist the temptation to feed my brain with more information be it friends’ updates or breaking news, or the latest blog post from the newest cookbook author and I’ve just climbed out from the rabbit hole I was about to submerge myself in buying myself some more time to be present with my kids or get some real life shit done.

On the flip side, I find that in some instances my creativity is encouraged by social media, most specifically via Instagram and Pinterest (Pinterest? you say, that’s such fluff). Yes, Pinterest. Though it is like a giant scroll of cotton candy and rainbows for us food, style and shelter-loving individuals, it does stir my noggin about crafty and culinary ideas (I’ve got a stack of recipes this high and images for dinners party table settings coming out the wazoo), and enabled me to speak clearly through detailed visuals to my contractor when we renovated our house. I had an image for every question he asked, that was pretty handy. On the crafty for kids’ sake side, I have never considered myself a “crafty” person per se, and social media certainly goes a long way toward making those of us that are craftily challenged feel inadequate, but on the positive side, I have really appreciated and found useful all of the helpful ideas these crazy crafty moms pass along via their blogs and Pinterest. My current favorite being Jean V’Ant Hul, of the successful art with kids blog, The Artful Parent. She seems to be pretty successful at practicing the art of both creativity and simplicity and I really love her ideas. My best gal, Amy turned me on to her as she is constantly Pinning Jean’s ideas all the way from Hong Kong, another awesome benefit of social media. Amy and I are able to communicate and share our ideas without having to pick up the phone, email or text. Are we having the long laughter-filled phone calls that I wish we were having- nope. But with a 12 hour time difference, I’ll take what I can get and in the meantime keep sending her Pins I think she and her girls will enjoy and in turn see what she’s up to via her latest crafty kiddos boards.

Instagram can really push my creative button as well. Look, I’m no photographer and I know that to be sure. I come from the old school school of hard knocks where to be good at anything, you must have devoted a generous and literal amount of blood, sweat and tears to that endeavor, or else you’re just faking your way through it. So… I’m faking my way through Instagram, but admittedly having a good time doing so. Sure I’d love to learn how to really take a great photograph with a grown-up camera and maybe someday I will, but for now I’m having fun experimenting and my feed is constantly flooded with real photographers’ work like my friends Amy Dickerson and Rashmi Pappu‘s Instas, to fill me with plenty of daily inspiration.

All this to say, at the end of the day as much as I’d like to say that I wish my kids (and myself) were living in a world closer to the one I grew up in- one with less choices, less information and a more simplified way of life, I don’t suspect that at the heart of the matter, I actually feel that way. That sort of comment sounds unnervingly like saying one pines for the early 60′s- a simpler time- and one look at and episode of Mad Men reveals that that swoony nostalgia isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. Hello Vietnam, racism and sexism galore. Still, I am a creature of nostalgia, I’d rather watch Rear Window over The Hunger Games any night of the week, and absolutely shutter when my dance students nonchalantly admit with a tilt of the head and a shrug of their shoulders that nope, they have never heard of Frank Sinatra (please someone save them!) or Billy Joel for God’s sake. But I guess with all of this information, you really have to pick and choose what you’re paying attention to. My kiddos will not go through life without an extensive knowledge of Sinatra or the Rat Pack to be sure, but that’s kind of on me and I’m ok with that.

I try to be hands free while I spend time with my kids, it is a challenge in this flush of information age and I am not always completely successful, but it is my way of attempting to balance all of this out. I have friends who deactivate their Facebook accounts at different points throughout the year. Seems smart- like a detox of sorts. We could all go in for that from time to time, I think as I hear myself say outloud when I forget my phone at home, “What did we do before cell phones?”. What a ridiculous thing to say but this is the age we are living in. Get on board d’Amboise.

So what’s the point of all of this?  I don’t really know, it’s an ongoing discussion. My mom always promotes moderation but I cling to Julia Child’s quote, “moderation with everything including moderation”. That seems about right. Thoughts? I’d love to hear from you.

Image: Getty

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